Dream of a Healing House

I dreamed that I entered a place called a Healing House.  I had to go to this house because my body was not functioning properly, and the people there could help me.  I felt weak, uncertain, and scared.  When I entered this place, where I had never been before, I did not know what to expect. The place was quiet, and there was a welcoming sense that began to calm my fears.  The people there expected me and showed me quickly to a room where I was to live for the next several days.

 

My room was not large, but it was ample enough to accommodate a comfortable bed, a sofa, and a couple of chairs and small tables.  There were carefully tended flowers blooming in the planter outside the window.  A woman came in and introduced herself as my nurse.  We sat on the sofa together to review what had brought me here and how I thought they could assist me.  She wanted to know about the four people who would be there for me and when each would be arriving for their introduction to my healing process.  She told me that she or another of my nurses would spend time with them, and together we would all make decisions about what to do next.

 

One of the first things she did was to help me relax physically and mentally.  I laid on the bed as she stroked my body, coaxing me through visual images of strength, healing, and peace.  She taught me ways I could bring this sense of peace over myself when I needed to during my stay.  She suggested music that I could turn on whenever I needed it to help center on this sense of calm and peace.  She discussed with me how I could take care of details with my family and job.  She showed me how to use the things I would need while I was there, how to write notes in my record that would be important for everyone caring for me, and how to let someone know when I needed help.  When she left, we had accomplished so much, and I felt so different, that it seemed like we had been together for hours. I looked at the clock – she had been there for only 50 minutes.

 

Over the next few hours, several other healers came into my room to get acquainted, each one introducing her- or himself and making sure that we both understood what to expect next and why they were there.  Each person who came to see me wrote their name and a note about our time together on my record so that I could read it again later.  Each person was concerned about being prepared for the first healing gathering that was planned for early the next day, when my four advocates would also be present.  We would all talk about what I needed and share ideas about how to work together, who could best do what, and what it is that I wanted to have happen here.  I was to leave the Healing House, they said, as soon as I could – I may never be cured of my disease but I would carry a healing spirit with me that would help me to no longer be afraid, and knowledge about how to live in a healthier way.  They said, “We want you to leave here having had one of the best experiences of your life.”

 

Suddenly, I woke up from the dream.  I heard “Doctor Smith, Doctor Donald Smith, please call the operator.  Doctor Donald Smith, please call the operator.”  Crash, bang, clang.  I realized I was not in a Healing House.  I was lying in a hospital.  The laundry cart had just fallen over on the tile floor outside my stark, cold, almost bare room.  The nurses’ call button was out of reach.  I was cold, alone, and hardly knew anyone by name, except the physician who had admitted me.  I felt as if nobody cared who I was.  I knew nothing about what they were planning to do to me.  Nobody knew who to call if something went wrong.  I would have to pay for a phone if I were to have one.  I had no money.

 

“Code 7, code 7, 8-4-0 immediately, 8-4-0 immediately.” (p 71-72)

Re-printed by permission by the National League for Nursing.  Originally published in Chinn, P. L. (1989). Nursing patterns of knowing and feminist thought. Nursing and Health Care, 10(2), 71-75.

Recently my son brought a most amazing little creature into his life, and so now, I have the most adorable granddog imaginable.  Her name is Coco, and in the photo here you see her giving me kisses on the long 4-hour ride home to Oakland after picking her up at the breeder’s.   She was 8 weeks old at the time, and her preferred perch was on my shoulder, just as you see her here.  Now, at the age of 3 months, and barely 3 pounds, she still greets me with enthusiastic kisses that you can only imagine from this photo!

So exactly what is “wrong” with the image of Romney’s dog being transported on the roof of his car, especially given the part of the account that includes the dog experiencing dire gastrointestinal distress, being hosed down to clean up the mess, then returned to the roof-top kennel to continue the trip?  What does it mean when any of us engage in scenarios in our personal lives that raise questions about how we view and treat those around us who are less powerful?  What is the value of calling for a broader consideration of the meaning of such incidents?

It is true that no one incident, especially one from years ago, is sufficient to provide a definitive picture of what a person stands for or how they will perform in a public role in the future.  But it is sufficient as a spring-board for raising the kinds of questions that many are now examining, not only related to this one candidate running for the U.S. presidency, but for all of those in whom we place public trust.  The fact that public discourse has turned to questioning the values and ethics of public practices that shape private lives, and vice versa, is one of the most important developments of the past few months.  The dog-on-car incident stands, for me, as a symbol of the abuse of power that has happened in many many governments, corporations, institutions, and yes, even religious organizations.

When any of us feel at liberty to take advantage of someone in a less powerful position than we ourselves hold, we are essentially engaging in a “dog-on-car” action that speaks volumes about who we are and what we are willing to do with power. We are responsible as citizens to call to task our leaders, bankers, businesses we engage with – calling on them to “do what they say” and live true to their values in all aspects of life.

But this all starts right at home. As a teacher, I am responsible to be ever mindful of the relative power that I hold when I engage with students.  As an adult, parent and grandparent, I am responsible to be ever mindful of the power that I hold in relation to the children in my life.  I am basically an ordinary woman living an ordinary life … but still, I hold powerful weapons that could be used to exploit and abuse others (children, students, friends).  I have the same choices that everyone else does!

So here’s to precious Coco, the most cherished children in my life, my friends and family!  Not only do I want my life and interactions to live up to my highest ideals of love and peace  … but I also pledge to always value any time when it is necessary to call on me for full accountability along these lines!  And, here’s to ongoing dialogue that helps us all bring more clarity to what we need in our public leaders, and in those in whom we place our trust.

Long ago I abandoned my childhood affiliation with formal religion, but the values that are at the heart of not only christianity but all major religions, and loudly professed by many, are consistent with the values that shape not only my opinions, but my actions, to the extent that is humanly possible.

One of the values that was taught to me in my early upbringing as a value/action that is among the “worst” is that of hypocrisy.  Among my very favorite stories that I heard over and over again was the story of Jesus overturning the tables of the Pharisees who were selling their goods at the entrance to a temple.  Please don’t hold me to this little story as accurate, or get into details such as what was supposed to be going on in the story — the important thing here is that I took away a lesson that hypocrisy is one of the worst things in the world! What I got from the story was that the guys (maybe some gals) selling their wares were professing to be righteous, but their actions defied their righteousness. And in fact, this symbolizes in my mind what we are today protesting in terms of the corporate practices that have created our vastly unjust economic system.

So this promises to be a truly banner year!  None of us are free of our own indulgences that are clearly in the realm of hypocrisy, and it is not something limited to one political party or another.  But the blatant hypocrisy of many who loudly proclaim to be “christian” and then support policies and actions that are so totally non-christian — this is something that I simply cannot abide.  Many are also speaking out on this issue, and in this year that is following on the heels of the “year of the protester” it is my hope that we will see more and more exposure of the many hypocrisies that damage our nation and our politics.

So with the fundamental values peace and love, here’s to a fabulous 2012!  May it bring lots of discussion that raises the bar in terms of what we expect from our leaders, our politicians, and our movers and shakers!

I was delighted to hear the boys perform this song that had been new to me only a couple of weeks earlier.  Admittedly, even though my son, host of the Youth Open Mic, is a very accomplished rock musician and I am terribly proud of his accomplishments, this is not a genre with which I am terribly familiar!  So even though the song has been ranked on lists of “greatest rock songs ever” and it was written in 1981, it was new to me. I became a great fan of the song when I watched the splendid documentary about the Northampton, Massachusetts chorus “Young at Heart.”  This is a chorus of folks 70 and over who, led by director Bob Cilman, who sing a variety of rock and pop tunes and perform worldwide. Their version of the song is fabulous and endeared me to the song, as well as to the chorus.

The documentary caught my attention one evening when I was looking for diversion from the intense, albeit sadly comical, U.S. political drama that dominates the news.  This could not have been a better antidote!  The story of the chorus is amazing and I was stunned that for several years I had lived within an hour’s drive of Northamption and visited the town frequently, yet never learned of the existence of this terrific group. This group represents so much of what goes on in the world around us that is good and worthwhile, even though sadly all-too-hidden.

But here’s the thing: Bob Cilman has established something that has meaning far beyond the benefits of creating something unique and bringing great entertainment to all ages.  The existence of this group is a symbol of what it takes to make the world a better place, to bring generations together, to find common bonds that are required for honest commitment.  I urge you to watch the documentary.  The 2012 calendar of shows will be on the web site soon, so watch for a show near you!  I am determined to get to one sooner rather than later!

me were twitter, Facebook and blog posts about some of the things happening just before, and during the week-end attempt at taking over the vacant lot. The lot is only 3 blocks from the Frank Ogawa Square outside of city hall, where the police had evicted campers a week before, with not-so-peaceful outcomes. You can read one of the most vivid blog accounts of the experience here – and follow the 26 comments left in response to Rebecca’s description .. it is all packed full of insightful and interesting perspectives.

When word spread that the Oakland general assembly (GA) had decided to take the lot, there was a huge response from a number of groups in the community, include residents in our apartment complex and parents of the Oakland School for the Arts middle and high school students (housed on the other side of the lot in the Fox Theatre building). These groups formed a coalition (within hours) and took an emergency alternative proposal to the GA, asking them to not attempt to take the lot (which is private property) and take some

Occupy protesters entering vacant lot next to our building (to the right in this photo)

time to consider alternatives. The facilitation committee agreed to place the proposal first on the agenda of the GA, but when it came time for discussion, there was generally a negative response. Since I was not there, I cannot give a first-hand account of what happened, but I know that one of the women who framed the alternate proposal blogged about the experience, in particular the sad fact (described in Rebecca’s account) that the voices of those who had not been camping were not welcome in the discussion. The bottom line was that the alternatives were not considered and the GA resolved to proceed with the plan to take over the fenced lot.

Even though I have not participated directly in any of the “Occupy” happenings, I feel compelled to share my reflections on what is reported about the processes of the movement because 1) I have written a book on the subject, and 2) I have personally experienced just about every “vignette” reported in my own experience with “Peace & Power.”

The issues that people most often voice when they first hear about the process include things like the fact that it is tedious and takes too much time, or skepticism that anything can ever get done using such a process.  But these are actually “surface” issues that are easily addressed when the process is working.  Here are a few of the challenges that I have experienced that are far more fundamental, difficult and also vitally important to address:

• The process requires informed commitment to the fundamental values of equality and equal participation.  In groups working with Peace & Power, we have found that in fact a number of people are intriqued and thrilled with the idea of being in a group where values of equality, nurturing and love are central.  Once equally important (and much more challenging) values such as personal responsibility and accountability, or of full disclosure (demystification), are also enacted in the group, the going can get pretty rough for those who come to the group not fully realizing what these values require.  These tensions shine a light on what a commitment to the process actually entails.
• The habits that most people (in US culture at least) have developed around group processes are fully at odds with the skills and habits required in a participatory democracy.  The comments from “occupy” outsiders and onlookers reflect this dissonance … where are the leaders?  what do they really want?  what are their demands?  how can the movement succeed without a leader and without clear demands?  What many onlookers see in the “occupy” movements are totally foreign processes and experiences.  Even when people eagerly come into a group using a process akin to “Peace & Power,” it is sometimes hard to trust the process and to realize that these “habits” of defined leadership and clear [narrow] goals are actually counter-productive to real empowerment for all.  Once people are able to fully embrace and trust the new participatory process, the advantages begin to emerge and it feels really good!
• The lure of “power” (in the sense of traditional power-over cultures) is very hard to resist.  I heard an interview by Jon Stewart with Al Sharpton the other night on “The Daily Show” that sums this up quite well … to paraphrase, Sharpton said: “If you get caught up in the theatrics you lose sight of the cause. If you get caught up in the elitism or the power you lose sight of the cause.”  The visible manifestations in a public arena of power and influence are very alluring. It is a huge shift to acquire skills that are integral to forms of power that are embodied in a “Peace & Power” sense – powers that are rooted in such values as sharing, cooperation, solidarity, integration, intuition or consciousness.
• The personal/politic or private/public splits that prevail in dominant cultures has created an ethical divide where what we do and how we act toward other people establish opposing standards by which we measure what is acceptable and expected in each of these arenas.  Most of the new traditions of the “Occupy” movements require, like Peace & Power, bringing the norms and ethics of personal and private spheres into political and public arenas.  Our traditions give a sense that this just will not work … that if we behave in public in ways more aligned with what we expect in our private lives, that we will be weak and ineffective.  This fear is totally unfounded, but it is deep-seated and real.

There is much more to said about all of this, and only time will tell how far the alternatives of the “Occupy” movements will prevail and influence traditions and cultures of the future.  But I am hopeful — the young people who have created and who are so deeply committed to the new values are so inspiring!  So I am cheering them on!  the fact that they are doing this is vitally important, because if nothing else happens, they now have an experience that instills in them (and in all of us) an ideal that is possible.  That ideal may not become fully real, but the attempts to make them real are the most important ways to energize real change! As Margo Adair once wrote: “The very fact that you can imagine these things makes them real, makes them possible.” (In Working Inside Out: Tools for Change)

7th Edition

large groups, and I am ecstatic! Of course I would be surprised if anyone involved has actually seen “Peace and Power,” but the important thing is that the ideas that many of us in my circle of friends and colleagues have been using for years are in fact part of a much larger ideal and vision!

For folks who are not (yet) familiar with my long-running book “Peace and Power,” you can peek inside on Amazon! The cover here (and on Amazon) is the 7th edition, but the 8th edition will be out in January!

The video below caught my eye today – it explains the main features of the processes they are using. The “Peace and Power” ideal that is particularly important to notice is that of shared and rotating leadership, and how they are working with shared responsibility and integrating anyone who steps up into the “leadership” process. This is an ideal that baffles most folks in the traditional hierarchies in which I have worked throughout my career, and is met with utter skepticism! But in my heart, I know it works, and brings about all the satisfactions, as well as the frustrations, that the “occupy” folks talk about in this video. Like them, I can heartily say that the satisfactions far outweigh the frustrations! I believe that this movement is immensely important and significant, not only because of the purposes and ideals that it seeks in terms of social and economic changes, but as a major demonstration of the kinds of social processes that I believe we desperately need for the future.

In fact, the new 8th Edition Title is “Peace & Power: New Directions for Building Community.” As many of you know, the title of the first edition (1984, authored by Charlene Eldridge Wheeler and me, and self-published) was “Peace & Power: A Handbook of Feminist Process.” After lots of angst, we agreed to abandon the “feminist” term in the title but of course retained content that clearly acknowledges the roots of the process in women’s ways of being in the world, and feminist traditions based on women’s traditions. The fact is, however, that many groups of women and men have long and strong connections to processes that can be identified as “participatory democracy” (native cultures that have strong verbal traditions, and Quaker traditions for example). But by and large, these ideals have not been translated into large public arenas – until now!!

The video is about 8 minutes long … but well worth taking the time to watch, and to also reflect on the significance of what is going on all around us!

In the photo here, my little sister and I are contemplating the dolls we received for christmas when we were 4 and 7.  Of course you can interpret the meanings expressed in this photo in many different ways.  To me the look on my face more or less says it all .. not particularly overjoyed to say the least – more of a vacuous resignation.  Even though I certainly got the message that was intended in the doll’s attire little did I realize that the symbolic meaning was actually to bridle what I, as a girl child, was destined to live out in my life. Nor could I ever have imagined then that within a couple of short decades my persuasions toward women would turn in directions that my parents, and society at large, would choose to not only bridle, but literally snuff out like a burning candle.

It has taken many long decades to unravel the bridles that curbed my own experience, and reach a point where I live my life authentically and honestly.  I am not sure this could have happened at all if it were not for the amazing gay rights movement, the social changes that have emerged as a result, and even more important the support of friends and close family.  A few years ago I wrote a short article for Issues in Mental Health Nursing (2008, 29:6, p. 551-554) that addressed the bridles that control the social/cultural environment in nursing where lesbian existence is concerned.  The title of the article is “Lesbian Nurses: What’s the Big Deal?”  I open the article with a story about my own experience of homophobia among nurses in the academic world in which I work, and explain how all nurses are constrained by fear that they will be ridiculed and shamed by being called “lesbian” when we are strong and assertive in our professional lives. The fear is sadly well-founded. Many nurses, whether actually lesbians or not, have indeed been intimidated and silenced by such ridicule. Here is a brief excerpt from that article:

When nurses are silenced, or when any of us feel constrained to assert who we are and what we have to contribute, everyone loses. It is not that “anything goes” and that we should all spill our guts out to the entire world. But when as a group we knowingly or unknowingly constrain any perspective or contribution from reaching full expression, we sustain a dominant hegemony that reduces our collective appreciation of the full range of human experience. As long as we behave in ways that affirm our complicity with the belief that lesbian identities among us are abnormal or shameful, we sustain the damaging effects of social stigma. (552-553)

Indeed the bride dolls in the photo could well have been dressed in the typical nurse’s uniform of the 1940′s and they would have conveyed much the same imagery.  At least a nurse doll would have represented a small, but significant aspect of potential for a woman that was far from the ideal that my parents intended for me and my sister – a woman capable of contributing to the well-being of society and of earning her own way in the world.

Thankfully, nursing has moved far beyond what it was in the 1940′s and the struggle to gain a more accurate social image of who we are and what we contribute has made a difference.  There is still a significant challenge to fully unbridle our abilities, but it is happening!  And hey — I wrote an article addressing the stigma of homophobia in a nursing journal!  This is truly something that my little 7-year-old self could never have dreamed possible!

Today as I reflect on this milestone, the song that I have paraphrased in the title of this post keeps running through my mind .. the original song “The Night they Drove Old Dixie Down” speaks to the suffering, and the victory, in the last days of the United States Civil War.  The lyrics of the song come from the experience of a confederate soldier fighting in the war.  The cover version by Joan Baez brought the song into mainstream consciousness.  But as popular and commonly recognized as the song is,  rarely does it bring forth images of the actual meanings in the words.  Indeed the suffering of those who served for the both the Union and the Confederate armies was immense.  This included women and children who fed and cared for those fighting.  Perhaps those involved realized they were fighting for freedom from slavery, but perhaps they entered for more mundane reasons, such as being caught up in the emotion of their neighbors, an accident of geographic location.  But the lyrics do not reveal the plight of those who had been and were enslaved. Those voices remain today all too hidden from most of the world.

There is a parallel in the struggle to overcome this one aspect of human “enslavement” – DADT – for LGBT people.  Like the U.S. civil war, many people opposing freedom have not been aware, or have been cruelly insensitive to, the plight of LGBT people.  To win freedom,  the support, energy and influence of all allies have been essential in making change possible.  The difference now of course is the time in which we live, and the fact that right now, as history is made, the media of today will broadcast all aspects of this change — the good, the bad and the ugly!  Many LGBT people who have spoken out openly about the injustice of serving under DADT rules and actions has been crucial.  Now, many more LGBT people will come forward and will reveal the meaning of their lives under DADT, as well as the experience of freedom.

But despite the victory that this milestone represents, the fact remains that changing this law does not change hearts and minds, and in fact for some, this new freedom will probably bring with it new dangers and fears.  Those of us who have been living “out of the closet” for many years are all too aware of the fundamental fact that “coming out” is not easy, sometimes even dangerous, and that it is in fact a day-by-day process that never ends.  For example, if I open a new bank account, or interact with someone at a retail store, or any other number of other common day-by-day encounters, there is a very high probability that something will happen in the conversation when I have to make an on-the-spot decision about whether or not it is safe to come out.

So for folks who have grown accustomed to living under DADT, this will not be an easy transition.  Making these inner decisions is a challenge, and the habit of secrecy, much like the ways of slavery, are deeply engrained.  So now, I say, let’s all give these women and men our support and encouragement along the way, and navigate with them into a tomorrow where freedom for all will be the norm, in each and every daily interaction!

Exploring the iPad with my granddaughters

Just a short decade or so ago, the phrase “drag and drop” had little if any meaning, and not many would have ever imagined that it would eventually be a phrase associated with using a personal computer.  But of course, this is only one among hundreds, probably thousands, of new concepts that have landed with dizzying speed over the past couple of decades.  The challenges sometimes seem like too much to comprehend — all this new technology, along with horrific economic problems, polarized politics that drive us crazy, and social changes of unprecedented magnitude! Of course all of this brings with it the temptation to quite literally drag and drop into the nearest easy chair in utter frustration and despair, and pine for the “good ole days.”

But wait .. I recall my own grandparents, and then my parents, and many others in between, expressing despair over the state of affairs around them and predicting all manner of dire consequences for the future of their children and grandchildren.  My grandparents, and even my parents, could never have imagined the world we now live in  - other than the fact that my maternal grandfather was very concerned that water would soon become the most scarce and valuable resource on earth!  But it seems to me that we can see a pattern here – one in which the elders long for the ways of old and despair the ways of the future, while the young (as a whole) charge ahead into that future with general disregard for their elder’s groans of despair.

So I offer an option to focus on as an alternative .. one that could be already familiar to many from the well-known poem “Children” by Kahlil Gibran (and set to music by Sweet Honey in the Rock).  These lines from the poem express well how I propose we frame the alternative . . . .

. . .  their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. . . .

. . . .For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

Indeed, just as the generations before us, we cannot begin to imagine how today’s kids perceive the world they inhabit, much less the future world they will inhabit. It is true that some of the fears we harbor for the future might be challenges they eventually face, but they have mental images, tools, concepts and ideas at their disposal that we cannot imagine either.

So I say – let’s embrace the future.  If we drag and drop anything, let it be the temptation to dwell on all that we imagine to be dire for the future, and instead celebrate all that might be possible!  If kids of today need anything from us, surely it is the ability to embrace life and find in it that which nurtures the human spirit.